Saturday, January 29, 2011

Music still moves me...

I am 42 years old and music still moves me. It is the air that I breathe. It moves me to motion, it moves me to sing, and it simply moves me. When I hear a beautiful voice sing or an instrument being played, my spirits are immediately lifted. It is who I am and who I have always been. From the first song I wrote about a buffalo when I was 4 up and until this very moment. It is my first love, and though I adore my husband and my children, it has always been my constant love. When I don't sing or I don't play for a time, my heart sinks in to the depths of it... and only in that place can music bring me back in to the world. I am a 42 year old college student, with no hopes of ever doing anything with music... except loving it. So my first love, I am thankful you have never left me or forsaken me, never turned your back on me, or picked another before me. I have never had a moment that I can ever recall that has not had you in it. My entire life can be associated with songs. I am thankful that my instincts for it envelope me and feel blessed that I can predict what songs will hit the radio in sequential order after hearing an album once... it has been the most amazing journey watching some of my favorite artists become icons. When all seems lost, there is always music. It can explain how we feel, console our heartbreak, say the things that we cannot find the words to say. Music is my air and my water and my first love... and I am blessed having known it's kindness and for having it speak to me in ways that only another that loves it as much could possibly understand. I am thankful to know that there are still songs to be written by me... because I still have things to say that can only be said in a song.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Day 20

I have not been as diligent as I would like in posting daily. Okay, I haven't been diligent at all in posting daily, BUT I have been doing my school work (yeah!) and I have been exercising on a somewhat regular basis. I have been walking and doing my wii and I finally got the courage to try the active2 for wii and I love it. It is actually hard, but you can see your heart rate the entire time and know how many calories you are burning. I'm averaging (hold on to your pants) a 20 minutes workout a day now... Okay, so I've only lost 3 pounds, but it's 3 pounds that I was actually walking around with 20 days ago. I'm on the 60 day program (figured it fits with school right now) and I'll keep posting on my progress.

Ps. I feel better.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

New Day!

To say that this week so far has overwhelmed me would be an understatement. I have walked - not nearly enough. I have read - not nearly enough. My math book won't even be in until Tuesday of next week, so I am officially way behind.

I am hoping since tomorrow I am off and my husband will be sleeping, I can finally read the 11 chapters that I have to read AND start the novel I am supposed to read for English and get a jump on next week so that I can be ahead and NOT have so much to do when I do finally get my math book.

Ugh, I am drowning in a sea of papers too... with each chapter there is an assignment and no time to do them. Back to it... the food thing is going ok, it's the exercise thing that I'm not making enough time for. 30 minutes will never get the weight off of me.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Day 6 and 7!

Well, for me, Day 6 was a disaster... not that I overate, but I did not exercise. It was my first day back to school FULL time and I was (am) completely overwhelmed. However, I did a little this morning and then I read some for school, now I am headed to work (and hoping my math book shows up today so I can go buy it) and then I have MORE homework tonight. So, I am hoping I find time this evening to exercise.

Where there is a will...there is a way.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 5

Well, it's Day #5, I haven't worked out yet today, but I did yesterday and I feel good about it... at any rate, big day today... I am headed to school to get ALL of my books for this semester.

Took a look at all my classes online and WOW am I ever overwhelmed at the moment... I am not sure how I am going to do it all, and work, and run kids and exercise... I am going to have to work on my schedule!

Let me know how your New Year's Resolutions are coming... I'd love to hear about them...oh that's right... nobody reads this LOL!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

3 Down Only 362 More to Go!

I am not the type of person that gets overly excited about things and then bombs out the next day. I stay somewhere in the middle most days. Today, the 9th, is really Day 4 for me, but it's a good day... or I'm trying to make it a good day.

The good news, yesterday I got a treadmill from one of my friends. I am excited about it really. I tried it out - just a little last night - and I think it's going to be wonderful.

The down side, I am kind of in a funk today. Not a giving up or giving in funk because after talking to my husband until 2:00 a.m. - I have realized the ONE thing about myself that maybe I never knew... I am strong. Not a little strong, but emotionally stable, I am talking about the - I made a decision and I am sticking with it, strong. Five years ago, I made a life choice to stop living my life one way and start living it another (the way I always wanted to) and I did that. I never looked back or decided that it couldn't be done - I just did it.

As you all know, this past May, I quit smoking. I decided to do it and I did it. I just did it and I never looked back.

I decided to stop cursing - it's coming along and I have come a long way, albeit my son has started calling my curse jar his college fund (I would imagine he would love to have it LMBO). Maybe that's a good idea for it truthfully.

Now, I am working on my health. I am realizing this too, is a life choice. A life changing one too. I am hoping that getting my body in to motion daily, will help me with other various things in my life.

I am a list maker, and I like to check things off once they are complete, but sometimes it takes FOREVER to complete them. I also am a morning person that has to stay up late because I have a 3rd shift working husband... I pray - daily - that he gets a spot on first shift soon, so that I can have a normal sleeping schedule. I get so little sleep, it is unreal sometimes.

I am in the process of making some other life changing choices or decisions... I'll keep you posted.

BTW, I'm down 3 pounds, in the 3 days... I hope that is a good thing. I don't feel it at all, so who knows, it could just be water... but we shall see.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

So My New Year's Resolution...

I don't even want to hear it... New Year's Resolutions... like rules MADE to be broken. But this year, I broke down and I made one. Ok, so I made it on the 6th AFTER all the Christmas left overs were gone or in the trash, but I made it. At this point, that has GOT to count for something.

All my life, I have kind of struggled with my weight. Not that I was a big fat cow like I am now, but I would get 10 pounds overweight and starve myself back down. I feel like (when I have been thin) that I maintained that thinness by being starved most all of my thin life. Literally. Because, well, let's face it, when I don't starve myself I look like I do today. This is the 3rd time in my life that I have been "heavy" (ugh, I'm a cow already). I hope it's the last time.

I have done some tough things in my life. I got married - it's hard - whoever says it isn't is CRAZY. I had two wonderful kids - whoever says childbirth is easy is also CRAZY. I got divorced - hello - HARD. I got remarried - to a wonderful man with three children and became part of a blended family... now THAT is hard and crazy. Ha ha!

I quit smoking in 2010 - SUPER DUPER HARD (I've been smoking since I was 18 - or maybe 19 - thank you Trena and Cathy)... but THAT my friends, is the hardest thing I have ever done. Surely this endeavor could not be harder.

Quitting stuff, is hard. Biting your fingernails, smoking, over indulging, cursing (which I also am in the process of quitting once and for all), but smoking... ah, it was pure bliss to me... having a tough day, have a smoke... argument with the hubs... have a smoke... kids giving you a rough time... have a smoke. Smoking was *sigh* a terrible addiction that I ab-SO-lutely loved. Until I caught one of my kids smoking... yeah, you heard me. Well, then, I had to quit.

I debated on it and struggled with it and started reading about it (because BEFORE I would NEVER consider quitting - ask my family...)... and then one day, May 11, 2010, while said child was home sick from school and I was watching him watch TV and once again surfing for a cure to "smoking sickness"... I stumbled on a website with a story... of a man dying and WHILE he was dying from the cigarettes and wasting away in a hospital, it showed pictures of him all along the way... smoking himself to death. He could not quit. He could not give it up - even though if he had - the chances of him NOT dying would have been insanely better. Well, that just couldn't be ME... could it?

Then the notion struck me, that yeah sister, it IS you... smoking yourself in to an early grave. Smelling like cigarettes everywhere you go... you stink, your house stinks... heck your kids smell like it too I bet... and I had those thoughts and read these words simultaneously... "Never take another puff" and I started reciting that phrase to myself... and I put them (the tightly rolled white cancer sticks) down. I didn't have one for the road, I did not run out and buy the gum, patch, mints, I just put them down.

It was the hardest two weeks of my life (and my family's life I might add). Most days I don't think about it, but yesterday I was talking about it to one of my friends (Dear Trena the instigator of the smoker me) and she asked me, "how you doing with the smoking thing?"... and when I replied, I quit on May 11th and I haven't smoked since... she literally sounded like she didn't believe me... LITERALLY. But I love her, so I'll move on and not dwell on the fact that I can actually do something right... I do miss it, but I haven't touched it, and neither has my beautiful husband (who also quit that day) and neither has my wonderful child (who shall remain nameless in this post)... I quit and I told my boy... "if I can - ANYONE can" and it's true.

The patch folks and the gum folks and the mint folks... they do NOT want you to know this... but the longer you use those things, the longer the nicotine stays in your system and guess what? If it's still in there, you aren't off the stuff, you've just switched how you're getting it... cold turkey - it's not for sissy's, but it is the only way.

Now, back to the topic for the next 363 days. Yesterday was my day #1 of my New Year. I'm eating healthier (yesterday I had an orange for breakfast - instead of 3 cups of coffee), I walked and I did my wii stuff. Yeah, laugh it up, I may not lose a pound doing it, but I had a blast and still burned 250 calories, which to me, sounded like bliss. I am not even going to try any fancy diets, I am just trying to eat healthier and add movement to my daily routine.

So yesterday, I walked with friends (early), and I have no idea how far we walked, but I do know we walked for about an hour (maybe longer) and I loved it. I love my friends. I've MISSED my friends. They didn't look at me either, like I was a big fat loser, they just walked with me and talked with me about life and love and kids and health and it was refreshing. One of my friends is on a magnificant journey, she has reshaped her body to match her beautiful soul and I have found her journey so inspiring. My other friend that walked is one of those forever friends, time, space, kids - doesn't matter, when I see her it's just like we talked yesterday...and sometimes we did, but sometimes it is longer - much longer indeed.

I am of the mind that if I can quit smoking... I can do anything... I hope, that I am right.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Sense of Christmas...


Every year, since I was six, I can remember everyone saying, "Christmas seems to come earlier and earlier every year"... this year, was MY year. It was still Halloween and the Christmas decorations started creeping out on to store shelves. By Thanksgiving it was a full blown Christmas and the bird had been completely missed.

I did not even touch the spirit of Christmas until just days before Thanksgiving. But I could feel it in the air at that point. I knew it wasn't going to be a banner year for us, but I knew it was going to be a good year.

I love Christmas. I always have, but I have especially loved it since I had my two boys. Since their firsts Christmases, I wanted every Christmas to be memorable. Not all of them have been bad, but most of them have been memorable. I take great care in decorating my home. Love my tree and all my ornaments. I was blessed that most of my family left the Christmas decorations that belonged to my Great Grandmother and my Grandmother. I have several from them both along with the 2 or 3 (or 20) that I pick out each year to add to the tree.

For the past four years, my sweet husband has taken me to Cracker Barrell, right before or right after Christmas... I love their ornaments. I pick a few (or several), sometimes I go with my Mom too, which I love our once a year go and be girls day - we never get to do that - seriously - once a year... at any rate... I love my home, my children, my family and of course, Christmas.

I hope each of yours (not that anyone reads this) was magnificant... and I hope the new year brings you all great joy, peace, contentment and security. Let your faith be strong and unyielding.

There is more to come this year. I am a full time student, a 42 year old full time student, mother of five, wife of Mr. Wonderful, daughter and daughter-in-law to a great set of parents (his and mine)... and after 22 years of smoking, I quit in May of 2010, so I've got that anniversary coming up... but this year... is going to hold more for me than just those things... this year, I'm going to get back in to shape too... and I'm going to take you on my journey - however painful it may be (and I am sure that it will be).

Wii shall see what a wii and a few walking friends can do to a girl.

Not all my posts will be so long, but join me for the ride.