So to the Endocrinologist I go...

So, the scan was negative... but the Doctor (and I agree) thinks that it was probably not a good scan and because my PTH and calcium levels are high and my vitamin D levels are super low... it's a tumor and he is now sending me to an endocrinologist to confirm and do some more testing, etc., etc., etc.

The doctor said the specialist probably wouldn't be able to get me in for a 2-3 weeks, so I would just feel like crap until I got in and got the tests and they confirmed what he (and I) suspects. They would remove it and I would feel better than I have (he suspects) in quite some time. He has no idea how bad I have felt for so long. If he only knew.

The only thing I am afraid of is that this tumor has wrapped itself around my vocal chords - I'm having some trouble swallowing these days (pills have become increasingly harder for me to get down), so that scares me. No, THAT terrifies me. The thought of never lifting my voice to sing again. It's always been the best thing about me. I was never pretty. I was never your genius type. I couldn't play guitar well, but I could play good enough to lead myself - and my voice was good enough to cover up my lousy guitar playing. But the thought of never being able to sing again. I cannot even imagine it. Because it is the worst thing I can imagine - I am scared that THAT will be the issue. Because singing matters most to me - I won't be able to sing at all. I am praying that God really doesn't put more on us than we can handle - that THAT is not it. So, with that being said - I will move on and not dwell for the next several weeks and I will sing as often as I can - like it's the last time I will (and I shall appreciate it more).

Cheers to my lonely reader... and to the butthead that tried to comment with a link to the neck tumors... that's really not the thing a girl like me needed to see... you may elect from this day forward NOT to even attempt to comment on my page (I think I preferred it when it was more of a discussion between my friend, Chris, and myself).

So today, I am still rooting for the underdog. Music is still my heartbeat. I still sing when no one is listening. My oldest girlfriends are still my best girlfriends. My parents are still my heroes. And my children, oh my children, if you only knew how desperately I have loved you all these years. How I wish such great things for you in your lives ahead. How I wish you could see me for more than just the old lady that rides your butts and tries to make you follow ALL the rules - even when I'm not around to watch you follow them. How I wish you would realize RIGHT NOW - that you don't EVER have to make ME proud... just make YOURSELVES proud. Do the best job that you can do, be the best person that you can be... and dance. Always dance...never let the music leave you...and always ALWAYS dance.

Hurry up! (and wait)

Isn't that how it goes? It's been over a week now and I'm still waiting on the results of the nuclear-whatever-it's-called-test...you would think no news is good news, but see that's how it all started.

So, since I heard all of that information, I've done some studying cause that's what I do when I don't know anything about anything.

Turns out that high calcium levels are attributable to a couple of things. #1 (and most common) there is a benign tumor on top of/behind/wrapped around your parathyroid glands causing your brain to produce excess levels of calcium (which it robs from - you guessed - your bones)...or it's cancer. Pretty simple - could be any number of different cancers, but that's the deal.

I am all for the hyperparathyroid something or rather - even though it will still have to be removed - once it is removed - I should feel tons better. Tons and tons. So, if it is that simple...why hasn't the doctor called?

I am still praying - God and I have an understanding.