My Dearest Ryan Chase~
Happiest of Birthdays my son. I wish for you so many many things in this life. I have songs for my children. I Hope You Dance and My Wish... two of the greatest songs and they send the greatest messages to the ones that we love. Words like, "While you're out there gettin where you're gettin to, I hope you know somebody loves you..." and "Give the Heavens above more than just a passing glance..."
Oh how I wish so many things for you my child. I wish always for your happiness, always that your heart may know no pain, that health finds you forever, and that you work hard, play hard and pray hard - the path worth taking is never an easy one and I pray you don't learn too many of those lessons the hard way.
I hope you always hear music and think of the people you love the most. I hope that you never forget how much your Mom made you feel like you could do anything, be anything, or accomplish anything that you put your mind to. I hope you have a good compass child and have learned from your past.
Mostly - live - live LARGE - go out in to the unknown and conquer the world - without fear or hesitation. Make decisions so that you know you will never regret making them. Follow your heart, chase your dreams and never EVER look back. Live - like maybe there is no tomorrow - live live live.
Love,
Mom
Monday, April 11, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
A dream...
After my earlier post - I took myself to the couch and took a nap - an exhaustion nap. I feel better. Three hours of sleep - literally something I never do - ever.
But I had the most amazing dream and wanted to write it down before I forgot (maybe I never will), but I dreamt my kids were babies again. Little babies - both of them and I got to hold them in my dream. I got to hug them and hold them and sit them in my lap and in my dream I knew it was a dream, but I kept telling myself - don't wake up - this will never happen again - you'll never get to go back in time and hold them. They'll never be the same age, they'll never be tiny, don't wake up. I knew I could hold them and hug them and play with them in my dream - I could literally feel them and smell them - don't wake up. It was the oddest sensation, the oddest feeling knowing that could never happen but still it was happening - don't wake up.
I wonder if that is why I slept for so long? Holding my kids and kissing on them like new mommies do... is was the best dream of my entire life. The best dream ever.
But I had the most amazing dream and wanted to write it down before I forgot (maybe I never will), but I dreamt my kids were babies again. Little babies - both of them and I got to hold them in my dream. I got to hug them and hold them and sit them in my lap and in my dream I knew it was a dream, but I kept telling myself - don't wake up - this will never happen again - you'll never get to go back in time and hold them. They'll never be the same age, they'll never be tiny, don't wake up. I knew I could hold them and hug them and play with them in my dream - I could literally feel them and smell them - don't wake up. It was the oddest sensation, the oddest feeling knowing that could never happen but still it was happening - don't wake up.
I wonder if that is why I slept for so long? Holding my kids and kissing on them like new mommies do... is was the best dream of my entire life. The best dream ever.
Life is FULL of Surprises!
Surprise you're pregnant! No, not ME, silly... but I remember hearing those words many MANY years ago. My #2 son is turning 16 on Monday. SIXTEEN. I remember having my 20 year class reunion (I remember thinking at graduation that I would NEVER make it to a 20 year class reunion). Now, I have a 20 (almost 21 - the Sunday after #2 turns 16) year old KID! Ugh.
Surprise!!! My body doesn't work like it used to. It makes noises - almost every time I move. Goodness forbid I stop moving because then the trouble really begins. And I'm not even OLD! At least I don't think I'm old. My mind doesn't think I'm old.
I have had so little sleep that last three days that my homework and my kid's homework and various thoughts and days are running together. I'm exhausted. 3 weeks to go and I'm buried in homework... it takes me (literally) HOURS to do my math homework. I'm a slow math person... ok, seriously, I think there should be new definition named after me for SLOW... I get it, but I want to make sure I get it... so I triple check everything. So far, I have an A... but I'm behind. Scary behind.
In addition, I'd like to take a nap before I set out on the four hour road trip that is taking my daughter (ok, step-daughter) to her (biological) mother. It is a tedious trip that she would like to stop taking, but we force her to do it anyway. So, with the husband's new 2nd shift... the most sleep deprived person in the place gets to do all the driving - that's pure genius... don't ya think? SURPRISE!
Have a wonderful weekend full of surprises - may they be wonderful surprises, like a garden full of veggies or a kid that makes all A's... or maybe your body just moves without all the noise.
Blessings!
Surprise!!! My body doesn't work like it used to. It makes noises - almost every time I move. Goodness forbid I stop moving because then the trouble really begins. And I'm not even OLD! At least I don't think I'm old. My mind doesn't think I'm old.
I have had so little sleep that last three days that my homework and my kid's homework and various thoughts and days are running together. I'm exhausted. 3 weeks to go and I'm buried in homework... it takes me (literally) HOURS to do my math homework. I'm a slow math person... ok, seriously, I think there should be new definition named after me for SLOW... I get it, but I want to make sure I get it... so I triple check everything. So far, I have an A... but I'm behind. Scary behind.
In addition, I'd like to take a nap before I set out on the four hour road trip that is taking my daughter (ok, step-daughter) to her (biological) mother. It is a tedious trip that she would like to stop taking, but we force her to do it anyway. So, with the husband's new 2nd shift... the most sleep deprived person in the place gets to do all the driving - that's pure genius... don't ya think? SURPRISE!
Have a wonderful weekend full of surprises - may they be wonderful surprises, like a garden full of veggies or a kid that makes all A's... or maybe your body just moves without all the noise.
Blessings!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I quit.
That's right - I dropped off facebook today. I doubt seriously that anyone will notice. This is fine. I only have one person that follows my blog, which truth be told - they probably never read it. Sometimes, you have to wonder if the fewer people there are that actually know you the less likely you are to be volunteered for anything or invited to anything.
I just couldn't take it anymore. I watch the kids that I'm friends with (mostly friends - or old friends - of my own children) and some of my nieces and nephews and their potty mouths - and their pouty mirrored bathroom pictures - I found myself completely annoyed on a daily basis. Not with my kids - my kids wouldn't dare humiliate me in public like that... there would be a price to pay. Seriously - I've been deleting people off my friend's list for a while, the logical next step was for me to delete myself. Finally, my mother-in-law joins - just about the time - I've had enough (and I love her).
My life is hectic right now. I have so much homework that I'm buried - 9 hours of homework today and I'm looking at MINIMUM the same number of hours tomorrow... so why facebook? I really didn't have time for it anyway. No one really cares what I might have to say (or not say)... so I'll keep posting my thoughts on life and such - here - my voice in to the black unknown - where it will go without eyes upon it... falling empty in to the vacuous void of the internet.
I'm disappearing... but no one is noticing... which I suppose that is fine too.
I just couldn't take it anymore. I watch the kids that I'm friends with (mostly friends - or old friends - of my own children) and some of my nieces and nephews and their potty mouths - and their pouty mirrored bathroom pictures - I found myself completely annoyed on a daily basis. Not with my kids - my kids wouldn't dare humiliate me in public like that... there would be a price to pay. Seriously - I've been deleting people off my friend's list for a while, the logical next step was for me to delete myself. Finally, my mother-in-law joins - just about the time - I've had enough (and I love her).
My life is hectic right now. I have so much homework that I'm buried - 9 hours of homework today and I'm looking at MINIMUM the same number of hours tomorrow... so why facebook? I really didn't have time for it anyway. No one really cares what I might have to say (or not say)... so I'll keep posting my thoughts on life and such - here - my voice in to the black unknown - where it will go without eyes upon it... falling empty in to the vacuous void of the internet.
I'm disappearing... but no one is noticing... which I suppose that is fine too.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Say what you mean.... Mean what you say... Pretty simple.
Two rules and truth be told - they are pretty simple rules to live by. First rule, say what you mean. If you love somebody, tell them. If you don't love someone - walk away from them. Don't make their lives miserable until they walk away from you. Be the bad guy. Own it. Don't push and push and push and push someone to the brink - be responsible - do the deed. Be yourself.
Second rule, mean what you say. If you say it – mean it. If you tell somebody you love them - mean it. If you don't mean it - don't say it. Again, Pretty simple stuff if you ask me.
It's true. We all say things in the heat of anger that maybe we shouldn't have said. One failed marriage was enough for me. Don't get me wrong. I get angry. I think a lot of things - most of those thoughts that I have in anger - never make it beyond that - just a thought. Because here is the secret that nobody really says - once you put something out there - once you go ahead and say it - one of two things happen... 1) the person you said it to - hears it - and never forgets it... or 2) it's out there and now it's festering - it's only a matter of time before it comes to fruition.
Think before you speak. It's a relatively simple thing that my mother tried to beat into my head as a youth (I did finally learn). Now, even when the mean angry things come into my head - I usually just leave them there - knowing that if/when they leak out - there's no taking them back. Most people would probably be amazed at what I keep to myself (yes, Mother - I know you would), so I would like to take this moment to let you know... that if I took the time to think it through and then I actually did say it out loud. I meant it. Good, bad or ugly. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.
Now, I might have said it wrong and have to re-phrase it - but if it crept out of my mouth - I promise you - I meant it. If I said, "I love you" - I mean it. If I said, "I think you are the greatest ___________" then I really think you are amazing. If I told you, "I don't like you. I don't like the way you __________" then you better believe that I had the courage to come on out with it - and let me tell you - I meant it. I will not take it back. We can hash through it - work through it - skip over it if you like but - I said it out loud for you to hear and well, sister, brother, friend, relative, co-worker, fellow student, child or husband, bad driver or person on the street screaming at your kid, neighbor, or whomever... I meant what I said.
I figure if you say what you mean and you mean what you say, then people know who you are, they take you at your word and most of the time you will find out that they respect you for not being a fake, back-stabbing, hypocrite, shallow shell of a person. When they need an honest opinion - they will call on you. When they want to hear the truth, they'll ask you what you think. People may not always like what you have to say, but they will always know that at least you stand by it.
Two rules to live by.
Second rule, mean what you say. If you say it – mean it. If you tell somebody you love them - mean it. If you don't mean it - don't say it. Again, Pretty simple stuff if you ask me.
It's true. We all say things in the heat of anger that maybe we shouldn't have said. One failed marriage was enough for me. Don't get me wrong. I get angry. I think a lot of things - most of those thoughts that I have in anger - never make it beyond that - just a thought. Because here is the secret that nobody really says - once you put something out there - once you go ahead and say it - one of two things happen... 1) the person you said it to - hears it - and never forgets it... or 2) it's out there and now it's festering - it's only a matter of time before it comes to fruition.
Think before you speak. It's a relatively simple thing that my mother tried to beat into my head as a youth (I did finally learn). Now, even when the mean angry things come into my head - I usually just leave them there - knowing that if/when they leak out - there's no taking them back. Most people would probably be amazed at what I keep to myself (yes, Mother - I know you would), so I would like to take this moment to let you know... that if I took the time to think it through and then I actually did say it out loud. I meant it. Good, bad or ugly. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.
Now, I might have said it wrong and have to re-phrase it - but if it crept out of my mouth - I promise you - I meant it. If I said, "I love you" - I mean it. If I said, "I think you are the greatest ___________" then I really think you are amazing. If I told you, "I don't like you. I don't like the way you __________" then you better believe that I had the courage to come on out with it - and let me tell you - I meant it. I will not take it back. We can hash through it - work through it - skip over it if you like but - I said it out loud for you to hear and well, sister, brother, friend, relative, co-worker, fellow student, child or husband, bad driver or person on the street screaming at your kid, neighbor, or whomever... I meant what I said.
I figure if you say what you mean and you mean what you say, then people know who you are, they take you at your word and most of the time you will find out that they respect you for not being a fake, back-stabbing, hypocrite, shallow shell of a person. When they need an honest opinion - they will call on you. When they want to hear the truth, they'll ask you what you think. People may not always like what you have to say, but they will always know that at least you stand by it.
Two rules to live by.
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